Today is my Nana’s funeral. The day to celebrate her life doesn’t really feel like a celebration to me. My heart feels sad and numb all at the same time. I feel nervous about the reality that faces me today-an acceptance of her permanent absence.
I know in my mind that she is gone, but my heart can’t grasp that truth. Forever, forever away from me.
Oh, how I remember calling her for my silly little problems! She always had such an amazing way of making me laugh at myself. She always knew exactly what to say.
But now she’s gone. Perhaps her voice will ring aloud in my heart and mind in the days to come. Perhaps she will live on in me. Perhaps her mantle now rests on my shoulders and her torch is flamed in my hands to light the paths of the hurt and the broken.
She lives on-in heaven with our Father-embraced by Jesus. She lives on, in me-in my heart, in my life, in my dreams, in my pursuits…she lives. She is gone from this place forever, but she is forever present before our Father. She is forever in His grasp-resting at peace in His arms. She lives, yes, she lives.
Knowing that death is imminent does not really prepare us for the dismal event. Our family has had to confront the despairing, heart sick reality of precious lives coming to an end far to many times this year.
Some days, comfort seems distant. What can you say to a morbid heart that longs to hold a dear one again? How do you soothe the pain when memories of loved ones flood your mind? We know that God’s word tells us that there is no sting in death for the believer, but our emotions don’t always agree.
We nursed our loved ones as they slowly passed away, praying and hoping that perhaps this one time God would allow us to keep them. We couldn’t imagine life without them. The sleepless nights of caring for our sick were well worth it, for it was the last way that we could say, “I love you.”
Our precious Dawn, Lenny, Edna and Nana-you will be forever missed and forever loved. Although we miss you, we must move on. We must continue this race without fainting. Though we feel knocked down at the moment, God will raise us up in His time.
Each of you left us a torch to carry, thus with much dignity, we carry on. We hold high the good you represented. We live out the legacy you left behind, we will make you proud.
We will get back up again. God will give us the strength to move on. We will go forth in the name of our Jesus Christ and we will not back down. We’ll live, as you lived. We will conquer, as you conquered. You will not be forgotten.